What if I am not court ordered. Can I still take this anger management class?

The answer is yes. Everyone is welcome to take our anger management class. Our class is developed with everyone in mind not just court ordered guidelines. We have been online teaching successful anger management skills since 2002 and before that we tested our material in face to face programs. Anger management works when you are ready to learn and grow in your life.

There are so many anger management programs! Which class do I take?

You are right. There are plenty of anger management programs out there. The best thing I can suggest is to read through the website material. Which material feels most comfortable to you? What is your learning style? By that I mean do you like to read to learn? Would you rather listen to tapes, CD's? Do you have a high powered computer to deal with flash applications or heavy programs? How do you learn best? Personally, I am a reader. I like to see what I am learning. I also like things delivered in a simple, clean and concise manner. Others like to listen. It depends on your personal learning style.

In developing angermanagementonline.com I decided to keep it simple. There is already enough stress by just having to take an anger management class.... why add to it? My programs are to the point. No beating around the bush. We want you to get your certificate to fulfill your requirement, but we also care very much that you are successful in anger management. We use the most researched method of teaching anger management. Your computer requirements are minimal and you don't need a computer science degree to get through this class. Because I like things simple I give things to you in a simplified manner.

Those who have taken AngerManagementOnline.com enjoyed the experience. We also offer a free support group online angermanagementonline.ning.com for those who want to stay connected to our program. If you need anger management come to angermanagementonline.com and see what we have to offer. Email any questions you may have.

Most of my anger comes from an ex-spouse. How can I learn to get along for the sake of my kids?

Even the thought of communicating with a co-parent may elicit a deep sigh. Many of you can’t imagine having a conversation with a co-parenting without delving into nasty banter or button pushing. You may have tried to be rational and your co-parent is vested in letting you know everything you did wrong or how unhappy he or she is feeling both in the past and present.

It is hard to believe but many separating or divorced parents seem to relish there miscommunication with each other. The renewal of old angry feelings keeps the issue of who has power over whom alive and keeps that familiar connection going. Using negative strategies can make you feel strong and in a one-upmanship position over your co-parent. Sound familiar?

You can get into all of the “why’s” and “how’s” of your failed relationship, but it won’t serve any purpose in getting on with your life and getting into a position of co-parenting your children. You don’t have to resolve all of your feelings regarding your former partner in order to be an effective co-parent. But you do need to make every effort to communicate well. It is in your lines of communication that much of your children’s lives get lived.

Embrace the idea of good communication and keep these goals in mind when communicating with your co-parent:

1. Make clear arrangements regarding your kids.
2. Model good negotiating and problem solving for your kids.
3. Make life easier.

When communicating with a co-parent keep your eye on the prize. You are doing this for your kids. If your co-parent is in the habit of goading you, don’t take the bait. Develop a deaf ear and remember that you aren’t trying to make the relationship work any longer. You are working toward a new role of co-parent in the best interest of your children.

You can’t control the other parent, but you can control yourself. If things are heating up take a step back, cool off before answering the phone, change the subject and remember to stay out of the dance. Remember, your kids are listening.

Being a good co-parent sometimes requires putting on blinders. Don’t let yourself get riled up by every little thing. Some people are expert manipulators and they know just how to push your buttons, but you have a choice in how you respond. Talk to yourself, let it go, drop it and walk away. Tell yourself that this is not about your co-parent. It is about your kids.

Question: Do I even need anger management?

If you are asking the question you are probably in need of some help. The second part of the question might be... where do I start?

I really think everyone can benefit from anger management. It isn't just about anger management or bad behavior. Anger management is a whole treatment plan about getting yourself into a new, healthier place. Let's face it... no one has perfect behavior.

If you are feeling as though you could use some help with your behavior it is time to get the help you need. There are many ways to get help for your emotions. Online programs are usually self paced. For some people self paced online programs are the answer. You work through the program on your own with the guidance of a trained facilitator. AngerManagementOnline.com was the first online anger management program and is still a one of kind program for anger management. There are also many therapists and counselors who specialize in anger management face to face or via the telephone. You need to figure out which way is best for you. How will you learn best? Is a group setting better for you? One on one? Face to face? Online and anonymous? It really is about your style.

If you are interested in free support group online check out angermanagementonline.ning.com. For online anger management check out angermanagementonline.com.

If you need help, get it. Help is always available.

Question of the Day: How do I know if I have an anger problem?

I get this question a lot when someone thinks they may have an issue with anger. If you are asking the question, my first thought is there is probably something going on in your life that is making you question yourself and your behavior.

A few quick questions to ask yourself:

Are others in your life telling you that you have a problem with anger?

Are co-workers asking you to look into your behavior?

Do you feel okay about the way you represent yourself in the world?

Do you think there are better ways to handle your emotions, but you aren't sure where to begin?

These are just a few of the many questions you can ask yourself to better understand if you need help managing your anger.

Anger management is really about so many things. People are often surprised when they take my anger management class and they realize that anger management is more than just learning new behaviors.

Because anger is a secondary emotion we know that something is usually happening first to trigger the anger. That is the key component in anger management. What is happening first to create the secondary emotion of anger?

If you are questioning yourself if you may have a problem with anger then you probably could learn some new ways of looking at your emotions and behavior.

Find an anger management class that you feel comfortable taking. It could be an online class or face-to-face counseling. Which ever learning style is better for you is the right place for you. At angermanagementonline.com we offer several different online classes as well as face-to-face and telephone counseling. We also offer an anger evaluation you can take in your own home.

If you are asking yourself about anger chances are you need help. Reach out and find the help you need so that you can grow in your life and move on in positive solutions.

Transitioning Your Children Between Two Homes

How to pick up and drop off your children from your ex-spouse.

Transitioning children after a divorce is a tough thing. You don’t want to see the ex, yet you are curious to see him/her. You want to hurt the ex because of the misery they put you through, but your kids are there listening and watching your every move. How do you act when you drop off your kids? Do you say hello? How can you avoid feeling awkward, but still show your kids you can be a good ex-partner and a great parent?

If tension is high and tempers are flaring, arrange to have pick ups and drop offs at a day care, school or a neutral third party to avoid contact with the other parent until things get more peaceful. Regardless of where you meet, prepare your children for their transitions between homes. Let them know in advance which days are dad’s and which days are mom’s.

On the transitions days try to follow a routine that’s predictable and comfortable. Be mindful of what you say on your way to the transition and during the transition. If you feel your anger level start to flare, take a few deep breathes and back away. There should be no fighting or adult issues when you transition children. If you have things to discuss with your ex do it at a different time, through email, text or phone calls, but not when you are dropping off your children. Children do not like conflict and will want to avoid changing homes if it means mom and dad are “just going to fight.”

If you slip up and start to argue or fight during the transition, remind your children that adults have a hard time adjusting to divorce too, and that they may still be showing their anger or sadness through arguing and bad behavior. Kids like to know that adults are human too and they make mistakes. But if you shove your feelings under the rug and pretend like it didn’t happen it will leave your kids feeling confused and not sure if they can trust your behavior.

There will be times when things are forgotten during the transition either on purpose or mistakenly left behind. Remember, this is not a perfect world, life happens; some forgetfulness, some lateness, some changes in schedules, and other unforeseen problems are bound to occur. Adopt an “I can handle it attitude” and move on. Remember, this is about your kids. You are not married to the same partner anymore so it all about your children. Make them comfortable to go between homes and they will enjoy the process much more.

If you would like more information on parenting, parenting classes or therapy, please visit us parentingclassonline.net .

Anger Management and De Stressing the Holidays

At this time of the year I get asked the same question over and over: Why do I see others running around enjoying the Holidays and I can't seem to find any joy! Believe it or not the Holidays are not happy times for many people. While some people jump around feeling giddy with expectations and are willing to run themselves ragged partying, others are feeling down and blue. You might ask how can anyone feel down around the Holidays?

The Holidays bring up a lot of feelings for many people which are not joyous. They may have lost a family member, old childhood wounds surface, faced with too many expections causing anger and depression. The list could go on and on, but just know that if you are not feeling overly excited about the Holidays... you are not alone. Holidays can be the best of times and the worst of times.

One way to take down the Holiday stress is to lighten up on expectations, set boundaries and know when to say no. Try to understand that other people are feeling joy, but you can have your feelings too. It's okay to have your feelings and it is okay for others to find joy.

Take the stress down a notch this year.

Expectations: Figure out what is really important to you. Ask yourself: What feels good to you? By that I mean if running around to every single party is stressing you out and you are not finding any joy in participating... limit the number of parties you attend. You can say no. People will get over it. Family will even get over it in time.

One thing I hear a lot from adult clients is they really don't find any joy in going home to their parent's home. There is chaos, fighting, and arguing that may bring back bad, old childhood feelings. Instead of forcing yourself into that situation stay home and start new traditions with your own family. Taking one year off to find your old Holiday joy is worth it!

Allow others to help you: You can't do it all. Delegate is the word over the Holidays. Have family gatherings, but don't provide all of the food and entertainment. Ask each family member to bring a dish or favorite game. If you don't find joy in it.... don't do it.

Agendas: Don't have hidden agendas or plan big surprises. Big surprises are fun to plan, but they only add more stress on you and if they are not well received they add stress on everyone. Keep it simple. State your plans. Tell people the time and where to go. Who comes, comes. Who doesn't come.... that's okay. Maybe they are finding their own joy too.

Don't engage with difficult family members: It seems that the most difficult of family members surface during the Holidays. Don't allow yourself to get sucked into negativity. Remain pleasant, but detach yourself from the situation.

The whole idea of the Holidays is to make them more meaningful, but less stressful. Know your limits. Set boundaries and if it doesn't feel good, don't do it. Start new family traditions that you can enjoy with your family. The most important thing during the Holidays is that you have a new season of peace, love and family warmth.