At this time of the year I get asked the same question over and over: Why do I see others running around enjoying the Holidays and I can't seem to find any joy! Believe it or not the Holidays are not happy times for many people. While some people jump around feeling giddy with expectations and are willing to run themselves ragged partying, others are feeling down and blue. You might ask how can anyone feel down around the Holidays?
The Holidays bring up a lot of feelings for many people which are not joyous. They may have lost a family member, old childhood wounds surface, faced with too many expections causing anger and depression. The list could go on and on, but just know that if you are not feeling overly excited about the Holidays... you are not alone. Holidays can be the best of times and the worst of times.
One way to take down the Holiday stress is to lighten up on expectations, set boundaries and know when to say no. Try to understand that other people are feeling joy, but you can have your feelings too. It's okay to have your feelings and it is okay for others to find joy.
Take the stress down a notch this year.
Expectations: Figure out what is really important to you. Ask yourself: What feels good to you? By that I mean if running around to every single party is stressing you out and you are not finding any joy in participating... limit the number of parties you attend. You can say no. People will get over it. Family will even get over it in time.
One thing I hear a lot from adult clients is they really don't find any joy in going home to their parent's home. There is chaos, fighting, and arguing that may bring back bad, old childhood feelings. Instead of forcing yourself into that situation stay home and start new traditions with your own family. Taking one year off to find your old Holiday joy is worth it!
Allow others to help you: You can't do it all. Delegate is the word over the Holidays. Have family gatherings, but don't provide all of the food and entertainment. Ask each family member to bring a dish or favorite game. If you don't find joy in it.... don't do it.
Agendas: Don't have hidden agendas or plan big surprises. Big surprises are fun to plan, but they only add more stress on you and if they are not well received they add stress on everyone. Keep it simple. State your plans. Tell people the time and where to go. Who comes, comes. Who doesn't come.... that's okay. Maybe they are finding their own joy too.
Don't engage with difficult family members: It seems that the most difficult of family members surface during the Holidays. Don't allow yourself to get sucked into negativity. Remain pleasant, but detach yourself from the situation.
The whole idea of the Holidays is to make them more meaningful, but less stressful. Know your limits. Set boundaries and if it doesn't feel good, don't do it. Start new family traditions that you can enjoy with your family. The most important thing during the Holidays is that you have a new season of peace, love and family warmth.
