I want a family member to take anger management, but he won't. He says he is not angry and that taking anger management is a waste of time and that maybe it is me who is the problem. Trust me, it isn't me! What can I do?
Good question and a very tough question. If someone isn't willing to make changes in their life, trying to force change only makes you more frustrated. Working with someone who is unwilling to change is hard on families and relationships.
You might have already tried this, but schedule a time when you can both sit down. Talk from your heart. Let him know that his behavior is hurting you and your relationship and that is something you can no longer tolerate. Try not to let the conversation get heated. Stay on topic and tell him how you are affected and how much you want things to change. Play a very supportive role in helping him to understand that you will be with him through the change and that you can look at your own behavior too. Make changes together. Learning together means growing together.
For some men, who are in constant denial of their anger, we do an anger evaluation on them. You can read about it at angerevaluation.com. It is an anger evaluation you can take in your home and receive a detailed report. Sometimes people need to see those results in writing to understand the impact of their behavior. Sometimes the anger evaluation determines that better communication could solve the problem. The anger evaluation can show you the type of behavior used when angry and we can work on that particular behavior. There many different angles to work on with anger and trust me, no one wants to feel angry all of the time. The good news is no one has to feel angry and there is hope for change.
For some people who are in denial about their anger, an online anger management program is a good place to start. They remain in control and study anger management at their own pace and make changes on their own terms.
The best thing you can do tell your family member how his behavior is affecting you. Stop nagging for change. Change never happens through nagging. Be clear. Be assertive and stop nagging. For more information on this topic or help with anger management come to angermanagementonline.com and if your family member isn't willing to change, let's work with you to change so that you are living your best life.
