What if anger management doesn't work for me?

I get this question a lot and I always want to turn it around and ask, "what if you don't work in anger management"? Like anything else in life, you reap rewards according to what you put in and how hard you work at something.

Every human being, at one time or another, has mishandled their anger. Everyone has behaved in a way that they are not proud of and wished they handled things differently. That is all part of being human.

The key to human behavior is to look at it and learn from it. In every situation is a learning experience. Most people come to anger management for a reason. Many people are sentenced by the legal system and some are given an ulitmatum by family members or spouses. I always tell my clients that it doesn't matter what brings you to anger management, what matters is where you go from here.

You have a choice with your anger and behavior. You have a choice to learn and grow every day if you are willing. Anger management gets a bad rap because most people expect anger management to "work for them" and put very little effort into their own life. You need to work anger management or it won't work for you.

Get into a good anger management class. Or, consider anger management through a counselor or therapist. Then it is up to you to get active in changing your life. A counselor doesn't change your life. A class won't change your life. You change your life. I get many people at angermanagemnetonline.com who when finished with the program send me emails of thanks and tell me how great the class was for them. Of course I am always happy to hear of good experiences in my anger management class, but the truth is the client is the one who changes his life. A class or counselor can be a catalyst, but the client is the one who works the class and I am quick to give the credit right back to them.

Anger management does work, but you have to work anger management. Get motivated to make changes in your life. Get excited to implement new techniques and new challenges in your life. The investment in anger management gives you many good, worthwhile returns.

My child is required to take an aggression evaluation. What is involved?

Hello,

The aggression evaluation is set up for children 9-18 who are showing signs of aggression either at home or school. Some children only seem to display aggression at school and are perfectly fine at home. Others tend to be more aggressive at home than school.

The point of finding out where that aggression is taking place is to better understand and get to the deeper root of the problem. If the aggression is happening at school there could be a learning disability, problems with other children such as bullying, etc. If it is happening at home there could be friction in the home with siblings or between parents, unstructured home life etc.

The aggression evaluation that I use requires the teacher to fill out a portion of the evaluation and a parent to fill out a portion of the evaluation. With information from the school and parent I am able to determine where the aggression is happening and then work together with you to figure out a solution. Go to aggressionevaluation.com for more information.

My teen is showing signs of anger and frustration. What can I do?

We all know the teen year are very tough years. Even more challenges face our teens today than ever before. Teens have it tough.

Talk to your son or daughter. I know what you are thinkng.... "have you ever tried to talk with a teenager?" I know that talking to teens can be difficult, but I challenge you to sit down and talk with him/her. They might give you a rough time and act like they don't appreciate your conversation, but they do. Know what is going on in your teen's life. Know their friends. Know their schedule. Know where they are at all times.

Provide structure and rules in your home and stick with those rules and guidelines. Teens are secure when they know the rules. They might not always like the rules, but they do appreciate your rules.

If you feel as though you are getting no where with your teen, there are plenty of resources in your community for counseling and therapy. Teens will sometimes open up to someone other than yourself. That's okay. You don't always want to talk openly to a loved one about what is bothering you either. Nothing personal.

Or, you might try an online anger management program such as angermanagementonline.com. We have a teen class that is completely online and affordable. Teens love the online format. They like the online format because they can be comfortable to express themselves in an environment that is anonymous. No one is judging them and there are like minded people taking the class.

You might also consider an anger evaluation for your teen. An anger evaluation will get to the point of finding out if there is a true anger problem and get your teen on a treatment plan to successfully express themselves. angerevaluation.com

There is hope and help available. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Question of the Week

I want a family member to take anger management, but he won't. He says he is not angry and that taking anger management is a waste of time and that maybe it is me who is the problem. Trust me, it isn't me! What can I do?

Good question and a very tough question. If someone isn't willing to make changes in their life, trying to force change only makes you more frustrated. Working with someone who is unwilling to change is hard on families and relationships.

You might have already tried this, but schedule a time when you can both sit down. Talk from your heart. Let him know that his behavior is hurting you and your relationship and that is something you can no longer tolerate. Try not to let the conversation get heated. Stay on topic and tell him how you are affected and how much you want things to change. Play a very supportive role in helping him to understand that you will be with him through the change and that you can look at your own behavior too. Make changes together. Learning together means growing together.

For some men, who are in constant denial of their anger, we do an anger evaluation on them. You can read about it at angerevaluation.com. It is an anger evaluation you can take in your home and receive a detailed report. Sometimes people need to see those results in writing to understand the impact of their behavior. Sometimes the anger evaluation determines that better communication could solve the problem. The anger evaluation can show you the type of behavior used when angry and we can work on that particular behavior. There many different angles to work on with anger and trust me, no one wants to feel angry all of the time. The good news is no one has to feel angry and there is hope for change.

For some people who are in denial about their anger, an online anger management program is a good place to start. They remain in control and study anger management at their own pace and make changes on their own terms.

The best thing you can do tell your family member how his behavior is affecting you. Stop nagging for change. Change never happens through nagging. Be clear. Be assertive and stop nagging. For more information on this topic or help with anger management come to angermanagementonline.com and if your family member isn't willing to change, let's work with you to change so that you are living your best life.

Anger Evaluation for Children

I feel as though my teen has an anger issue, but it seems like nothing helps. I have tried working with him and he still says there is nothing wrong and he is not angry. His actions speak louder (sometimes) than words. How can I know if he has a problem with anger and what can I do about it?

Teens years are tough if you can remember back. It is an incredible time of growth and maturing, teen peer pressure and now even more pressure to keep up with technology.

A place to start would be an anger evaluation. I provide an anger evaluation for children at angerevaluation.com. This is an easy evaluation that can be taken in home. It takes about 10-15 minutes to complete. You can send it back to me and I will interpret the scores and send back a written report. It is the first step to understanding anger and can jump start the treatment plan for your teen. When we know what causes anger or why someone is angry we can cut to the chase and work on those issues.

If you are interested in an anger evaluation for you teen, please visit angerevaluation.com and read through the material. Sign up and the anger evaluation will be sent out immediately. Once I receive the completed anger evaluation materials back and make the report I can make suggestions on how to start the process of helping your teen manage their anger. You might also want to consider an online anger management class. At angermanagementonline.com we have an anger management class for teens. Teens are very successful with online learning because they love being on the computer and it is really how they learn best. They enjoy learning at their own pace and having some say in their own treatment plan and learning goals.

If you have a teen who could benefit from either an anger evaluation or anger management class, please visit us at angermanagementonline.com or angerevaluation.com and get the process started.

Can anger management help couples?

The answer is yes.

Anger management is more than simple "anger management." At angermanagementonline.com we go into all aspects of anger including the concept that anger is a secondary emotion. Something is happening first to cause discomfort and then comes the behavior which is often acted out in anger.

Anger can be very distructive to relationships. It breaks down communication. It breaks down intimacy. It makes the relationship feel unsafe.

Anger can be managed and relationships can improve when one or both partners understand the root of anger.

Angermanagementonline.com is an easy online anger management class that both of you can take on your own time and schedule.

Start learning anger management today. Start improving your relationship today!

Anger management support group online

Looking for a place to go to express your anger? Looking for like minded people to talk to online about positive solutions of anger management?

Come to angermanagementonline.com and click on Join Our Anger Management Support Group. We want conversation regarding anger and now to improve lives by living in positive solutions. If we have a big enough interest we might even start some live discussion groups.

Come, join, invite your friends and family. Let's make it a safe place to discuss anger.

angermanagementonline.com