The Holidays Are Coming!!

Yes, the Holidays are here and for many people it can be a very difficult time of year. The question I most often get this time of year is: How can I be around family and hold in my anger or feelings?

That's a tough one because for many people holidays bring up old wounds or bad past experiences with family members. I have had people tell me that they just do not want to go to their family's home for Christmas, but they feel guilty and go anyway. Not wanting to go some place and then going just because "you have to" is going to elevate your anger for sure.

A couple of things to consider when around family members:

1. Stay away from alcohol. Alcohol brings out angry feelings and it gives you the courage to say what is really on your mind. Getting something off of your chest that has been lingering for a very long time in theory sounds good, but not with alcohol as the stimulus. Anger management classes flourish during the holiday season because people get drunk, air out their feelings or even worse punch someone who "had it coming" for a very long time and it lands them in jail, court and anger management. If you don't have the courage to say it to them sober, don't say it to them at all.

2. If going to your family's home brings about horrible feelings or past memories that you can't deal with... don't go. If something is that bad don't set yourself up for failure by going somewhere to please someone else and feel miserable the whole time. Start your own tradition. Go to a friends house. Stay home with friends and family. If you have your own kids or partner start something new and fun with them. The Holidays are for everyone and feeling pressure to be somewhere that brings out the worst in you isn't fair to you or your family. Start fresh.

3. The pressure is going to be put on your for not going along with the family tradition. That's okay. You will be okay if someone disapproves of your choice. Stay true to your life.

4. With the economy most people are not able to spend as much as they would like and it brings up bad feelings and anger. Change your thinking. Think of the Holidays as a time to give thanks for what you do have. It isn't about what you don't have. We live in the greatest country in the world. We have freedom of choice. When you go into a store there are aisles and aisles of choice. We can go any where we want to go. We are free. That is a huge gift. Thanks to our Military we are free and safe. Don't worry about what you can't do. Give thanks for what you can do.

Remember this Holiday season to do what pleases you. Stay safe, sober and thankful for all of your blessings.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

If you would like more help or tips in anger management come to angermanagementonline.com and learn how to get through the tough times with new anger management skills.

I can't seem to control my anger or emotions. Should I be able to control my feelings?

The answer is yes. The problem may be that you are not catching your emotions soon enough. You may be noticing your anger only when you are more escalated so it feels like your emotions are out of control. Or, you may not know exacly what you are feeling or experiencing. It is common for people to say they don't know what they are feeling.

The best way to understand your emotions is to journal. Write down your feelings on a daily basis and try to track your emotions. You have to pay attention to yourself. In this busy world we are all on the fast track, but that also means we are not paying attention to our mental health.

1. Slow down. Try to find some time in the day for yourself to think and refresh.
2. Journal about your emotions. Try to understand what you are feeling. A lot of times it won't be anger, but another emotion that quickly turns to anger.
3. Add structure into your life. Get up at the same time. Go to bed at the same time. Eat healthy meals.

If you would like to know more about anger and how it is affecting your life come to angermanagementonline.com and join one of our many anger management programs.

There are so many anger management programs out there. How do I choose?

Good question. There are many anger management programs out there and going through all of them can be very time consuming. Some of the important things to look for is if the person is licensed. Courts look more favorably on a program if the person running the program is licensed. Can you contact the owner and speak to him/her? How long has the program been in business? Are the instructors certified in anger management facilitation? Do they associate themselves with professional organizations in their field? Do they have an email address to ask questions? Does the anger management program provide an About Us on the site? Do you get to know who is on the other side of the screen teaching you?

Does paying more for the class mean you are getting more quality? No. There are many quality programs out there such as AngerManagementOnline.com who strive to bring a quality program at a fraction of the cost. Angermanagementonline.com has been online since 2002 at the same price point in an effort to make affordable anger management available to everyone. If you are looking for an anger management program take your time and go through the key points above. Email and call if you have questions. Get all of your questions answered so that you feel comfortable in learning anger management.

What if I am not court ordered. Can I still take this anger management class?

The answer is yes. Everyone is welcome to take our anger management class. Our class is developed with everyone in mind not just court ordered guidelines. We have been online teaching successful anger management skills since 2002 and before that we tested our material in face to face programs. Anger management works when you are ready to learn and grow in your life.

There are so many anger management programs! Which class do I take?

You are right. There are plenty of anger management programs out there. The best thing I can suggest is to read through the website material. Which material feels most comfortable to you? What is your learning style? By that I mean do you like to read to learn? Would you rather listen to tapes, CD's? Do you have a high powered computer to deal with flash applications or heavy programs? How do you learn best? Personally, I am a reader. I like to see what I am learning. I also like things delivered in a simple, clean and concise manner. Others like to listen. It depends on your personal learning style.

In developing angermanagementonline.com I decided to keep it simple. There is already enough stress by just having to take an anger management class.... why add to it? My programs are to the point. No beating around the bush. We want you to get your certificate to fulfill your requirement, but we also care very much that you are successful in anger management. We use the most researched method of teaching anger management. Your computer requirements are minimal and you don't need a computer science degree to get through this class. Because I like things simple I give things to you in a simplified manner.

Those who have taken AngerManagementOnline.com enjoyed the experience. We also offer a free support group online angermanagementonline.ning.com for those who want to stay connected to our program. If you need anger management come to angermanagementonline.com and see what we have to offer. Email any questions you may have.

Most of my anger comes from an ex-spouse. How can I learn to get along for the sake of my kids?

Even the thought of communicating with a co-parent may elicit a deep sigh. Many of you can’t imagine having a conversation with a co-parenting without delving into nasty banter or button pushing. You may have tried to be rational and your co-parent is vested in letting you know everything you did wrong or how unhappy he or she is feeling both in the past and present.

It is hard to believe but many separating or divorced parents seem to relish there miscommunication with each other. The renewal of old angry feelings keeps the issue of who has power over whom alive and keeps that familiar connection going. Using negative strategies can make you feel strong and in a one-upmanship position over your co-parent. Sound familiar?

You can get into all of the “why’s” and “how’s” of your failed relationship, but it won’t serve any purpose in getting on with your life and getting into a position of co-parenting your children. You don’t have to resolve all of your feelings regarding your former partner in order to be an effective co-parent. But you do need to make every effort to communicate well. It is in your lines of communication that much of your children’s lives get lived.

Embrace the idea of good communication and keep these goals in mind when communicating with your co-parent:

1. Make clear arrangements regarding your kids.
2. Model good negotiating and problem solving for your kids.
3. Make life easier.

When communicating with a co-parent keep your eye on the prize. You are doing this for your kids. If your co-parent is in the habit of goading you, don’t take the bait. Develop a deaf ear and remember that you aren’t trying to make the relationship work any longer. You are working toward a new role of co-parent in the best interest of your children.

You can’t control the other parent, but you can control yourself. If things are heating up take a step back, cool off before answering the phone, change the subject and remember to stay out of the dance. Remember, your kids are listening.

Being a good co-parent sometimes requires putting on blinders. Don’t let yourself get riled up by every little thing. Some people are expert manipulators and they know just how to push your buttons, but you have a choice in how you respond. Talk to yourself, let it go, drop it and walk away. Tell yourself that this is not about your co-parent. It is about your kids.

Question: Do I even need anger management?

If you are asking the question you are probably in need of some help. The second part of the question might be... where do I start?

I really think everyone can benefit from anger management. It isn't just about anger management or bad behavior. Anger management is a whole treatment plan about getting yourself into a new, healthier place. Let's face it... no one has perfect behavior.

If you are feeling as though you could use some help with your behavior it is time to get the help you need. There are many ways to get help for your emotions. Online programs are usually self paced. For some people self paced online programs are the answer. You work through the program on your own with the guidance of a trained facilitator. AngerManagementOnline.com was the first online anger management program and is still a one of kind program for anger management. There are also many therapists and counselors who specialize in anger management face to face or via the telephone. You need to figure out which way is best for you. How will you learn best? Is a group setting better for you? One on one? Face to face? Online and anonymous? It really is about your style.

If you are interested in free support group online check out angermanagementonline.ning.com. For online anger management check out angermanagementonline.com.

If you need help, get it. Help is always available.

Question of the Day: How do I know if I have an anger problem?

I get this question a lot when someone thinks they may have an issue with anger. If you are asking the question, my first thought is there is probably something going on in your life that is making you question yourself and your behavior.

A few quick questions to ask yourself:

Are others in your life telling you that you have a problem with anger?

Are co-workers asking you to look into your behavior?

Do you feel okay about the way you represent yourself in the world?

Do you think there are better ways to handle your emotions, but you aren't sure where to begin?

These are just a few of the many questions you can ask yourself to better understand if you need help managing your anger.

Anger management is really about so many things. People are often surprised when they take my anger management class and they realize that anger management is more than just learning new behaviors.

Because anger is a secondary emotion we know that something is usually happening first to trigger the anger. That is the key component in anger management. What is happening first to create the secondary emotion of anger?

If you are questioning yourself if you may have a problem with anger then you probably could learn some new ways of looking at your emotions and behavior.

Find an anger management class that you feel comfortable taking. It could be an online class or face-to-face counseling. Which ever learning style is better for you is the right place for you. At angermanagementonline.com we offer several different online classes as well as face-to-face and telephone counseling. We also offer an anger evaluation you can take in your own home.

If you are asking yourself about anger chances are you need help. Reach out and find the help you need so that you can grow in your life and move on in positive solutions.