How to pick up and drop off your children from your ex-spouse.
Transitioning children after a divorce is a tough thing. You don’t want to see the ex, yet you are curious to see him/her. You want to hurt the ex because of the misery they put you through, but your kids are there listening and watching your every move. How do you act when you drop off your kids? Do you say hello? How can you avoid feeling awkward, but still show your kids you can be a good ex-partner and a great parent?
If tension is high and tempers are flaring, arrange to have pick ups and drop offs at a day care, school or a neutral third party to avoid contact with the other parent until things get more peaceful. Regardless of where you meet, prepare your children for their transitions between homes. Let them know in advance which days are dad’s and which days are mom’s.
On the transitions days try to follow a routine that’s predictable and comfortable. Be mindful of what you say on your way to the transition and during the transition. If you feel your anger level start to flare, take a few deep breathes and back away. There should be no fighting or adult issues when you transition children. If you have things to discuss with your ex do it at a different time, through email, text or phone calls, but not when you are dropping off your children. Children do not like conflict and will want to avoid changing homes if it means mom and dad are “just going to fight.”
If you slip up and start to argue or fight during the transition, remind your children that adults have a hard time adjusting to divorce too, and that they may still be showing their anger or sadness through arguing and bad behavior. Kids like to know that adults are human too and they make mistakes. But if you shove your feelings under the rug and pretend like it didn’t happen it will leave your kids feeling confused and not sure if they can trust your behavior.
There will be times when things are forgotten during the transition either on purpose or mistakenly left behind. Remember, this is not a perfect world, life happens; some forgetfulness, some lateness, some changes in schedules, and other unforeseen problems are bound to occur. Adopt an “I can handle it attitude” and move on. Remember, this is about your kids. You are not married to the same partner anymore so it all about your children. Make them comfortable to go between homes and they will enjoy the process much more.
If you would like more information on parenting, parenting classes or therapy, please visit us parentingclassonline.net .
Monday, December 28, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Anger Management and De Stressing the Holidays
At this time of the year I get asked the same question over and over: Why do I see others running around enjoying the Holidays and I can't seem to find any joy! Believe it or not the Holidays are not happy times for many people. While some people jump around feeling giddy with expectations and are willing to run themselves ragged partying, others are feeling down and blue. You might ask how can anyone feel down around the Holidays?
The Holidays bring up a lot of feelings for many people which are not joyous. They may have lost a family member, old childhood wounds surface, faced with too many expections causing anger and depression. The list could go on and on, but just know that if you are not feeling overly excited about the Holidays... you are not alone. Holidays can be the best of times and the worst of times.
One way to take down the Holiday stress is to lighten up on expectations, set boundaries and know when to say no. Try to understand that other people are feeling joy, but you can have your feelings too. It's okay to have your feelings and it is okay for others to find joy.
Take the stress down a notch this year.
Expectations: Figure out what is really important to you. Ask yourself: What feels good to you? By that I mean if running around to every single party is stressing you out and you are not finding any joy in participating... limit the number of parties you attend. You can say no. People will get over it. Family will even get over it in time.
One thing I hear a lot from adult clients is they really don't find any joy in going home to their parent's home. There is chaos, fighting, and arguing that may bring back bad, old childhood feelings. Instead of forcing yourself into that situation stay home and start new traditions with your own family. Taking one year off to find your old Holiday joy is worth it!
Allow others to help you: You can't do it all. Delegate is the word over the Holidays. Have family gatherings, but don't provide all of the food and entertainment. Ask each family member to bring a dish or favorite game. If you don't find joy in it.... don't do it.
Agendas: Don't have hidden agendas or plan big surprises. Big surprises are fun to plan, but they only add more stress on you and if they are not well received they add stress on everyone. Keep it simple. State your plans. Tell people the time and where to go. Who comes, comes. Who doesn't come.... that's okay. Maybe they are finding their own joy too.
Don't engage with difficult family members: It seems that the most difficult of family members surface during the Holidays. Don't allow yourself to get sucked into negativity. Remain pleasant, but detach yourself from the situation.
The whole idea of the Holidays is to make them more meaningful, but less stressful. Know your limits. Set boundaries and if it doesn't feel good, don't do it. Start new family traditions that you can enjoy with your family. The most important thing during the Holidays is that you have a new season of peace, love and family warmth.
The Holidays bring up a lot of feelings for many people which are not joyous. They may have lost a family member, old childhood wounds surface, faced with too many expections causing anger and depression. The list could go on and on, but just know that if you are not feeling overly excited about the Holidays... you are not alone. Holidays can be the best of times and the worst of times.
One way to take down the Holiday stress is to lighten up on expectations, set boundaries and know when to say no. Try to understand that other people are feeling joy, but you can have your feelings too. It's okay to have your feelings and it is okay for others to find joy.
Take the stress down a notch this year.
Expectations: Figure out what is really important to you. Ask yourself: What feels good to you? By that I mean if running around to every single party is stressing you out and you are not finding any joy in participating... limit the number of parties you attend. You can say no. People will get over it. Family will even get over it in time.
One thing I hear a lot from adult clients is they really don't find any joy in going home to their parent's home. There is chaos, fighting, and arguing that may bring back bad, old childhood feelings. Instead of forcing yourself into that situation stay home and start new traditions with your own family. Taking one year off to find your old Holiday joy is worth it!
Allow others to help you: You can't do it all. Delegate is the word over the Holidays. Have family gatherings, but don't provide all of the food and entertainment. Ask each family member to bring a dish or favorite game. If you don't find joy in it.... don't do it.
Agendas: Don't have hidden agendas or plan big surprises. Big surprises are fun to plan, but they only add more stress on you and if they are not well received they add stress on everyone. Keep it simple. State your plans. Tell people the time and where to go. Who comes, comes. Who doesn't come.... that's okay. Maybe they are finding their own joy too.
Don't engage with difficult family members: It seems that the most difficult of family members surface during the Holidays. Don't allow yourself to get sucked into negativity. Remain pleasant, but detach yourself from the situation.
The whole idea of the Holidays is to make them more meaningful, but less stressful. Know your limits. Set boundaries and if it doesn't feel good, don't do it. Start new family traditions that you can enjoy with your family. The most important thing during the Holidays is that you have a new season of peace, love and family warmth.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Anger Evaluation
What is an anger evaluation and why might you take one?
An anger evaluation is a great place to start when trying to understand your anger and how you express your angry feelings. A loved one might be telling you that you have a problem with your anger. Someone at work may be requesting that you take a look at your angry behavior. How do you look at yourself and your anger and then try to make changes if you aren’t even sure if you have an anger management problem at all?
Getting involved in an anger management program is a great place to wind up, but how do you get to the depth of your anger and understand the key areas that you need to look at to make changes in your behavior? How can you make changes quickly and efficiently if you don’t know what to change? An anger evaluation will tell you exactly where your problem areas are and how you can move forward to change them.
At http://www.angerevaluation.com we offer an anger evaluation that can be taken in the privacy of your own home. We send you the materials and you take the evaluation whenever you want. You send it back to us and we will analyze your evaluation and let you know exactly where your problem areas in behavior are and how to make changes.
We measure two major components – state and trait anger. State anger is defined as a psychological emotional state or condition marked by subjective feelings that vary in intensity from mild irritation or annoyance to intense fury and rage. Trait anger is defined in terms of individual differences in the disposition to perceive a wide range of situations as annoying or frustrating and by the tendency to respond to such situations with elevations in state anger.
Our anger evaluation is designed for adults only and is analyzed by licensed therapists. After you receive the results of your evaluation, we can make referrals for further help or if you are interested in an online program we would refer you to http://www.angermanagementonline.com AngerManagementOnline.com is a division of Center of Solutions, LLC.
An anger evaluation is a great place to start when trying to understand your anger and how you express your angry feelings. A loved one might be telling you that you have a problem with your anger. Someone at work may be requesting that you take a look at your angry behavior. How do you look at yourself and your anger and then try to make changes if you aren’t even sure if you have an anger management problem at all?
Getting involved in an anger management program is a great place to wind up, but how do you get to the depth of your anger and understand the key areas that you need to look at to make changes in your behavior? How can you make changes quickly and efficiently if you don’t know what to change? An anger evaluation will tell you exactly where your problem areas are and how you can move forward to change them.
At http://www.angerevaluation.com we offer an anger evaluation that can be taken in the privacy of your own home. We send you the materials and you take the evaluation whenever you want. You send it back to us and we will analyze your evaluation and let you know exactly where your problem areas in behavior are and how to make changes.
We measure two major components – state and trait anger. State anger is defined as a psychological emotional state or condition marked by subjective feelings that vary in intensity from mild irritation or annoyance to intense fury and rage. Trait anger is defined in terms of individual differences in the disposition to perceive a wide range of situations as annoying or frustrating and by the tendency to respond to such situations with elevations in state anger.
Our anger evaluation is designed for adults only and is analyzed by licensed therapists. After you receive the results of your evaluation, we can make referrals for further help or if you are interested in an online program we would refer you to http://www.angermanagementonline.com AngerManagementOnline.com is a division of Center of Solutions, LLC.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Anger and Your Health
What happens to your body when you feel angry?
By Kathy Garber
When you experience anger your body goes into a fight or flight response. Chemicals are released into your bloodstream to prime you up for the fight or help you flee the situation. These powerful chemicals cause your body to undergo extreme changes.
Breathing begins to increases and blood is detoured away from the internal organs you don’t use in a fight and shunts it to your muscles for strength.
Your pupils dilate causing your vision to sharpen and your awareness intensifies.
Your rational mind is disengaged and your thoughts become distorted.
You are now in your anger attack mode and ready to fight.
The fight or flight reaction gears you up for battle, however most times there really is no battle to fight.
When you face real dangers in the world, this fight or flight response is invaluable to your survival, but when you are in a constant state of fight or flight day after day your health can begin to suffer. The powerful chemicals accumulate and make your body pay a price for being in a constant high energy state.
People with chronic anger are more likely to have suppressed immune systems.
Chronic anger can cause gastrointestinal problems such as irritable bowel syndrome and ulcers.
Chronic anger can lead to heart attacks and strokes.
Chronic anger affects your blood pressure.
If you decide that you are tired of being in a high energy state without a cause, join AngerManagementOnline.com and learn new ways to calm yourself before your health begins to suffer.
By Kathy Garber
When you experience anger your body goes into a fight or flight response. Chemicals are released into your bloodstream to prime you up for the fight or help you flee the situation. These powerful chemicals cause your body to undergo extreme changes.
Breathing begins to increases and blood is detoured away from the internal organs you don’t use in a fight and shunts it to your muscles for strength.
Your pupils dilate causing your vision to sharpen and your awareness intensifies.
Your rational mind is disengaged and your thoughts become distorted.
You are now in your anger attack mode and ready to fight.
The fight or flight reaction gears you up for battle, however most times there really is no battle to fight.
When you face real dangers in the world, this fight or flight response is invaluable to your survival, but when you are in a constant state of fight or flight day after day your health can begin to suffer. The powerful chemicals accumulate and make your body pay a price for being in a constant high energy state.
People with chronic anger are more likely to have suppressed immune systems.
Chronic anger can cause gastrointestinal problems such as irritable bowel syndrome and ulcers.
Chronic anger can lead to heart attacks and strokes.
Chronic anger affects your blood pressure.
If you decide that you are tired of being in a high energy state without a cause, join AngerManagementOnline.com and learn new ways to calm yourself before your health begins to suffer.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Anger Facts
Just the facts!By Kathy Garber
Anger is one of your emotions, along with happiness, sadness and fear.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy emotion that varies in intensity.
Anger is a reaction to an inner emotion and not a planned action.
Anger is considered a secondary emotion. Meaning something usually triggers a bad thought or feeling and you begin to feel angry.
Anger can also be caused by fear, stressful situations and fatigue.Worrying or brooding over personal problems can cause anger.Repeated bad thoughts over and over in your head can increase your anger’s intensity.
Anger can be an instant reaction from a single event or a response after numerous events.
Anger reduces stress and makes you feel temporarily powerful.
Anger is a learned behavior. We imitate how others handled anger.It is up to you on how you choose to handle your anger.
Do you want to continue imitating others and letting your anger fly, or do you want to create a happier place for yourself and those around you?
Don’t let anger control your life any longer.
Get started on a healthier path at AngerManagementOnline.com
Anger is one of your emotions, along with happiness, sadness and fear.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy emotion that varies in intensity.
Anger is a reaction to an inner emotion and not a planned action.
Anger is considered a secondary emotion. Meaning something usually triggers a bad thought or feeling and you begin to feel angry.
Anger can also be caused by fear, stressful situations and fatigue.Worrying or brooding over personal problems can cause anger.Repeated bad thoughts over and over in your head can increase your anger’s intensity.
Anger can be an instant reaction from a single event or a response after numerous events.
Anger reduces stress and makes you feel temporarily powerful.
Anger is a learned behavior. We imitate how others handled anger.It is up to you on how you choose to handle your anger.
Do you want to continue imitating others and letting your anger fly, or do you want to create a happier place for yourself and those around you?
Don’t let anger control your life any longer.
Get started on a healthier path at AngerManagementOnline.com
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
What do we teach at AngerManagementOnline.com
Student Participation and Certificate Requirements
The website at www.AngerManagementOnline.com is a distance learning environment that teaches:
Admitting and accepting responsibility for behavior.
Determining the root of anger causing emotions.
Quickly recognize anger and other emotions leading to anger expression. .
Recognize old patterns of undesirable behavior.
Identification of provocative emotions other than anger.
Identify and change unhealthy coping styles.
Ineffective patterns of communication (passive, passive-aggressive, aggressive).
Assertive Communication..
Boundaries.
Resolving conflict in a productive manner.
Relaxation techniques and time outs.
Positive self talk.
Commitment to healthy behavioral change.
Living in positive solutions.
Self awareness.
Thought stopping techniques.
Paying attention to the negative inner critic.
Patterns of negative self talk.
Patterns of negative thinking (filtering, black and white, over generalizing, mind reading)
Physical activity to release energy.
Road Rage.
Living in solution.
The website offers hundreds of pages of content in the form of ebooks, articles, discussion boards and chatrooms.
Distance learning is a relatively new form of learning and referral sources such as courts, probation departments and human resources want to know if this type of learning is as effective as “real world” classroom learning.
There is growing evidence in research literature that online learning is as effective or even more effective than traditional learning environments. Even though distance learning is still in its infancy, the preliminary information is showing that online learning is providing a cost-effective, rich and diverse means of learning for students.
Shouldn’t there be interaction or a human component for learning anger management?There IS a human component to this program. Our students interact with the facilitator through emails, through online chats and intensive work on the discussion board. The discussion board is continuously monitored by the facilitator.
Who created the program AngerManagementOnline.com?Kathy Garber, R.N./ B.S.N./ M.A., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist has more than 20 years in the healthcare and mental health industry. She is an honorary member of the Sigma Theta Tau Honorary Nursing Society, a Diplomat of the American Association of Anger Management Providers, a Diplomat of the National Anger Management Association, a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, and Association for Conflict Resolution.Kathy has more than 20 years experience in the healthcare and mental health industry. She is an honorary member of the Sigma Theta Tau Honorary Nursing Society, a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and Association for Conflict Resolution.Kathy works as a Certified Anger Management Facilitator, Certified Mediator, Certified Parenting Instructor and Anger Management Evaluator. She works with Probation Departments, Human Resource Departments and psychotherapists across the United States. She works with divorcing couples in arranging successful co-parenting agreements. Kathy is the director of AngerManagementOnline.com and co-director of ParentingClass.net an online program designed for divorcing parents working toward resolution in co-parenting.
What Responsibilities Do Students Have In The Program?1. All students are required to keep a log of their participation in the program. 2. All students are required to read the program workbook Stop Anger, Be Happy (203pp). 3. All students are required to keep an emotions journal during their program. 4. All students must meet a time frame depending on the amount of hours they need for completion (10 Hours, 20 Hours, 30 Hours etc.) 5. All students must complete extensive work on the discussion board as outlined for the number of hours required. 6. Students are monitored in their participation by the facilitator. 7. Students cannot complete the program in one day. Students are bound by time frames depending on which program they are enrolled (10 hour, 20 hour, 30 hour etc.). 8. Students earn time by reading, contributing to discussion boards, talking with facilitators, quizzes and exams. 9. To receive a certificate of completion all students must complete the above mentioned and complete a comprehensive examination with at least 80%. 10. Students are required to complete a completion questionnaire when all assignments are complete. The facilitator will then do a complete review of their participation to determine a student’s eligibility. 11. Certificates are given out at the discretion of the facilitator. 12. Certificates are sent to students in PDF format to prevent students from faking certificates. Also, a copyrighted AngerManagementOnline.com logo is in the lower left corner of all correspondence. 13. Cheating through an anger management program can happen in any anger management program including face-to-face programs. Successfully cheating in AngerManagementOnline.com is very difficult. No system is perfect, but AngerManagementOnline.com makes a strong effort to make certain the people who say they are taking the program are actually taking the program. 14. Students are supplied with an affidavit form to be signed under penalty of perjury in the presence of a notary. They also receive a verification form where they attest that they are actually the one taking anger management.
Why Should I Refer People To AngerManagementOnline.com And Accept The Program As Satisfactory?Online education offers a variety of advantages over traditional forms of face-to-face programs: 1. Online programs are usually less expensive than traditional programs. This makes clients less resistant to take a program. 2. Programs are self paced (with restrictions) and can be tailored to the individual needs of the client. 3. Our material is written for all levels of education. The software is easy to use so that the client can dedicate time to actually learning instead of computer problems. 4. Facilitator to client interaction is increased in online learning. Often facilitators and clients speak on a daily basis. 5. Material is constantly updated. 6. Students learn through peer interaction. 7. Referring people to an online program takes away the following: “I can’t afford it” “I can’t take time off from my job” “I don’t have a babysitter” “It takes to much time to travel.” 8. Students are much more one on one accountable for their participation.
How was the curriculum developed?After doing individual therapy and anger management groups for years I began to understand what clients needed in an anger management program. The techniques used in this program were implemented first in a face-to-face program. I brought this program online as a means of offering affordable anger management and making clients more accountable for personal change. Making someone personally accountable to receive a certificate of completion is much different than sitting quietly in a room of people pretending to be interested. We help people get excited about changes their lives and living in positive solutions. We build self esteem and coach people to get excited about their lives. This is definitely not a passive program. This is a program of accountability.
Please feel free to visit www.AngerManagementOnline.com for further details. Or, email us at AngersAway@aol.com and anger@angermanagementonline.com I hope you will seriously consider our program as a valuable instrument in teaching anger management. We are dedicated to upholding the standards of the anger management profession.
The website at www.AngerManagementOnline.com is a distance learning environment that teaches:
Admitting and accepting responsibility for behavior.
Determining the root of anger causing emotions.
Quickly recognize anger and other emotions leading to anger expression. .
Recognize old patterns of undesirable behavior.
Identification of provocative emotions other than anger.
Identify and change unhealthy coping styles.
Ineffective patterns of communication (passive, passive-aggressive, aggressive).
Assertive Communication..
Boundaries.
Resolving conflict in a productive manner.
Relaxation techniques and time outs.
Positive self talk.
Commitment to healthy behavioral change.
Living in positive solutions.
Self awareness.
Thought stopping techniques.
Paying attention to the negative inner critic.
Patterns of negative self talk.
Patterns of negative thinking (filtering, black and white, over generalizing, mind reading)
Physical activity to release energy.
Road Rage.
Living in solution.
The website offers hundreds of pages of content in the form of ebooks, articles, discussion boards and chatrooms.
Distance learning is a relatively new form of learning and referral sources such as courts, probation departments and human resources want to know if this type of learning is as effective as “real world” classroom learning.
There is growing evidence in research literature that online learning is as effective or even more effective than traditional learning environments. Even though distance learning is still in its infancy, the preliminary information is showing that online learning is providing a cost-effective, rich and diverse means of learning for students.
Shouldn’t there be interaction or a human component for learning anger management?There IS a human component to this program. Our students interact with the facilitator through emails, through online chats and intensive work on the discussion board. The discussion board is continuously monitored by the facilitator.
Who created the program AngerManagementOnline.com?Kathy Garber, R.N./ B.S.N./ M.A., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist has more than 20 years in the healthcare and mental health industry. She is an honorary member of the Sigma Theta Tau Honorary Nursing Society, a Diplomat of the American Association of Anger Management Providers, a Diplomat of the National Anger Management Association, a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, and Association for Conflict Resolution.Kathy has more than 20 years experience in the healthcare and mental health industry. She is an honorary member of the Sigma Theta Tau Honorary Nursing Society, a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and Association for Conflict Resolution.Kathy works as a Certified Anger Management Facilitator, Certified Mediator, Certified Parenting Instructor and Anger Management Evaluator. She works with Probation Departments, Human Resource Departments and psychotherapists across the United States. She works with divorcing couples in arranging successful co-parenting agreements. Kathy is the director of AngerManagementOnline.com and co-director of ParentingClass.net an online program designed for divorcing parents working toward resolution in co-parenting.
What Responsibilities Do Students Have In The Program?1. All students are required to keep a log of their participation in the program. 2. All students are required to read the program workbook Stop Anger, Be Happy (203pp). 3. All students are required to keep an emotions journal during their program. 4. All students must meet a time frame depending on the amount of hours they need for completion (10 Hours, 20 Hours, 30 Hours etc.) 5. All students must complete extensive work on the discussion board as outlined for the number of hours required. 6. Students are monitored in their participation by the facilitator. 7. Students cannot complete the program in one day. Students are bound by time frames depending on which program they are enrolled (10 hour, 20 hour, 30 hour etc.). 8. Students earn time by reading, contributing to discussion boards, talking with facilitators, quizzes and exams. 9. To receive a certificate of completion all students must complete the above mentioned and complete a comprehensive examination with at least 80%. 10. Students are required to complete a completion questionnaire when all assignments are complete. The facilitator will then do a complete review of their participation to determine a student’s eligibility. 11. Certificates are given out at the discretion of the facilitator. 12. Certificates are sent to students in PDF format to prevent students from faking certificates. Also, a copyrighted AngerManagementOnline.com logo is in the lower left corner of all correspondence. 13. Cheating through an anger management program can happen in any anger management program including face-to-face programs. Successfully cheating in AngerManagementOnline.com is very difficult. No system is perfect, but AngerManagementOnline.com makes a strong effort to make certain the people who say they are taking the program are actually taking the program. 14. Students are supplied with an affidavit form to be signed under penalty of perjury in the presence of a notary. They also receive a verification form where they attest that they are actually the one taking anger management.
Why Should I Refer People To AngerManagementOnline.com And Accept The Program As Satisfactory?Online education offers a variety of advantages over traditional forms of face-to-face programs: 1. Online programs are usually less expensive than traditional programs. This makes clients less resistant to take a program. 2. Programs are self paced (with restrictions) and can be tailored to the individual needs of the client. 3. Our material is written for all levels of education. The software is easy to use so that the client can dedicate time to actually learning instead of computer problems. 4. Facilitator to client interaction is increased in online learning. Often facilitators and clients speak on a daily basis. 5. Material is constantly updated. 6. Students learn through peer interaction. 7. Referring people to an online program takes away the following: “I can’t afford it” “I can’t take time off from my job” “I don’t have a babysitter” “It takes to much time to travel.” 8. Students are much more one on one accountable for their participation.
How was the curriculum developed?After doing individual therapy and anger management groups for years I began to understand what clients needed in an anger management program. The techniques used in this program were implemented first in a face-to-face program. I brought this program online as a means of offering affordable anger management and making clients more accountable for personal change. Making someone personally accountable to receive a certificate of completion is much different than sitting quietly in a room of people pretending to be interested. We help people get excited about changes their lives and living in positive solutions. We build self esteem and coach people to get excited about their lives. This is definitely not a passive program. This is a program of accountability.
Please feel free to visit www.AngerManagementOnline.com for further details. Or, email us at AngersAway@aol.com and anger@angermanagementonline.com I hope you will seriously consider our program as a valuable instrument in teaching anger management. We are dedicated to upholding the standards of the anger management profession.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Anger has been around forever.
Anger has been around forever and that is not likely to change but you can!
The idea that you cannot control your anger or your behavior is a myth. You are in complete control of your daily life activities and your actions at all times. You make decisions, you go to work, you buy a car, you go to school, you marry, and you choose friends. The list could go on and on, but the point is you determine your lifes outcome.
Basically, you have the freedom to choose your path in life.One choice you may be struggling with in your adult life is “how” to manage and control your anger. If this struggle is ever present in your life, you are not alone. Many adults have problems with angry feelings because we are not taught how to handle the emotion of anger as children. If you cry or express sadness, everyone knows what to do, if you show signs of happiness, others join in, but what happens when you express anger? Does anyone say, “It’s okay that you feel angry?” How about anger as a child? Did anyone stand around and say, “Oh, that’s wonderful that you feel angry?”
As children, most of us were not welcome to experience or express anger. That statement is not to blame; it is to wake you up to the fact that as an adult, you have an obligation to yourself and others. Learn how to manage your anger now. Learn what is causing it and learn healthy new behaviors to replace the old ones that aren’t working for you anymore!
When you are ready to make some powerful changes in your angry behavior, come to AngerManagementOnline.com and begin your journey toward a happier life with others just like you.
The idea that you cannot control your anger or your behavior is a myth. You are in complete control of your daily life activities and your actions at all times. You make decisions, you go to work, you buy a car, you go to school, you marry, and you choose friends. The list could go on and on, but the point is you determine your lifes outcome.
Basically, you have the freedom to choose your path in life.One choice you may be struggling with in your adult life is “how” to manage and control your anger. If this struggle is ever present in your life, you are not alone. Many adults have problems with angry feelings because we are not taught how to handle the emotion of anger as children. If you cry or express sadness, everyone knows what to do, if you show signs of happiness, others join in, but what happens when you express anger? Does anyone say, “It’s okay that you feel angry?” How about anger as a child? Did anyone stand around and say, “Oh, that’s wonderful that you feel angry?”
As children, most of us were not welcome to experience or express anger. That statement is not to blame; it is to wake you up to the fact that as an adult, you have an obligation to yourself and others. Learn how to manage your anger now. Learn what is causing it and learn healthy new behaviors to replace the old ones that aren’t working for you anymore!
When you are ready to make some powerful changes in your angry behavior, come to AngerManagementOnline.com and begin your journey toward a happier life with others just like you.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Anger Is A Secondary Emotion
Anger is a secondary emotion.
Emotions are a funny thing. We all walk around with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts and behaviors. Emotions can ride at the surface and we easily recognize them or they can remain hidden and we might not even know how they are affecting our lives.
Anger is an emotion with a wide variety of intensity. The physical effects of anger include rapid heartbeat, elevated blood pressure and increases in adrenalin.
Since anger is a secondary emotion something is usually happening first to make us feel uncomfortable. I am asked over and over how to recognize anger and I have put together a few simple exercises below that you can use to “check in” with yourself to monitor your behavior.
First, ask yourself… what am I feeling? Are you feeling happy, sad, hungry, angry, lonely, tired, shut down? Try to pinpoint what you are feeling. A healthy person has access to all of their emotions from joy to grief.
Next, try to get in touch with your emotions. We are all subject to emotions and if we are not in touch with what we are feeling we will soon become controlled by our emotions rather than us controlling our emotions. Try to figure out what emotion you are feeling. Remember anger is secondary so another emotion had to happen first to trigger your anger. Usually hurt is the primary emotion to anger.
Ask yourself questions: What am I feeling right now? If you are not sure, keep asking the questions. If you have trouble determining how you are feeling, try to describe the things that are going on in your life. Ask yourself what someone else might feel if they are going through the same experiences are you are going through.
Journal about your feelings and emotions so that you can become more aware of what you are feeling. Being able to revisit how you were feeling on a particular day can help in your ongoing process of getting in touch with your feelings.
Your emotions are an important of your life and if you are aware of what you are feeling you have put that information and energy to work for you.
If you are interested in investigating your feelings of anger, please join us at AngerManagementOnline.com where we are finding the answers together.
Emotions are a funny thing. We all walk around with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts and behaviors. Emotions can ride at the surface and we easily recognize them or they can remain hidden and we might not even know how they are affecting our lives.
Anger is an emotion with a wide variety of intensity. The physical effects of anger include rapid heartbeat, elevated blood pressure and increases in adrenalin.
Since anger is a secondary emotion something is usually happening first to make us feel uncomfortable. I am asked over and over how to recognize anger and I have put together a few simple exercises below that you can use to “check in” with yourself to monitor your behavior.
First, ask yourself… what am I feeling? Are you feeling happy, sad, hungry, angry, lonely, tired, shut down? Try to pinpoint what you are feeling. A healthy person has access to all of their emotions from joy to grief.
Next, try to get in touch with your emotions. We are all subject to emotions and if we are not in touch with what we are feeling we will soon become controlled by our emotions rather than us controlling our emotions. Try to figure out what emotion you are feeling. Remember anger is secondary so another emotion had to happen first to trigger your anger. Usually hurt is the primary emotion to anger.
Ask yourself questions: What am I feeling right now? If you are not sure, keep asking the questions. If you have trouble determining how you are feeling, try to describe the things that are going on in your life. Ask yourself what someone else might feel if they are going through the same experiences are you are going through.
Journal about your feelings and emotions so that you can become more aware of what you are feeling. Being able to revisit how you were feeling on a particular day can help in your ongoing process of getting in touch with your feelings.
Your emotions are an important of your life and if you are aware of what you are feeling you have put that information and energy to work for you.
If you are interested in investigating your feelings of anger, please join us at AngerManagementOnline.com where we are finding the answers together.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Your Negative Thoughts
Often times people do not know the cause of their anger. They just know that they "feel" angry, but they cannot pinpoint why or the cause of their anger. Negative thinking can be the root of your anger or at least get the angry feelings started. We all know that we should think more positively and avoid negativity........ but how??!!!
An easy to learn technique is "thought stopping." Negative thinking can be stopped by teaching yourself to stop negative or fearful thoughts.
Thought stopping requires that you pay attention to your thoughts and catch them at a relatively low threshold. In other words, if you catch your negative thoughts when they are first starting it will be much more easy to rope them in than if you wait until you are ready to explode.
Every time you have an unwanted thought; stop it immediately and substitute a positive thought. You can use a favorite phrase to stop yourself from repeating negative thoughts or a lot of people simply say STOP to themselves to shift out of the negative thoughts. The minute you become aware of an undesireable thought yell STOP IT to yourself. Take a deep breath and think of a positive replacement.
Does this all sound too simple to be true? Maybe, but it really works. You can learn to control your mind and train negative thoughts to stay away. Thought stopping is a very powerful procedure developed by cognitive behavioral therapists. It takes time to first learn to pay attention to yourself and then stop your negative thoughts, but it is very necessary to break the negativity cycle.
Don't think your negative thoughts will disappear the first time you try this procedure. You have to be persistent, pay attention to yourself and practice, practice, practice. At AngerManagementOnline.com we teach negative thought stopping in all of our anger management programs.
An easy to learn technique is "thought stopping." Negative thinking can be stopped by teaching yourself to stop negative or fearful thoughts.
Thought stopping requires that you pay attention to your thoughts and catch them at a relatively low threshold. In other words, if you catch your negative thoughts when they are first starting it will be much more easy to rope them in than if you wait until you are ready to explode.
Every time you have an unwanted thought; stop it immediately and substitute a positive thought. You can use a favorite phrase to stop yourself from repeating negative thoughts or a lot of people simply say STOP to themselves to shift out of the negative thoughts. The minute you become aware of an undesireable thought yell STOP IT to yourself. Take a deep breath and think of a positive replacement.
Does this all sound too simple to be true? Maybe, but it really works. You can learn to control your mind and train negative thoughts to stay away. Thought stopping is a very powerful procedure developed by cognitive behavioral therapists. It takes time to first learn to pay attention to yourself and then stop your negative thoughts, but it is very necessary to break the negativity cycle.
Don't think your negative thoughts will disappear the first time you try this procedure. You have to be persistent, pay attention to yourself and practice, practice, practice. At AngerManagementOnline.com we teach negative thought stopping in all of our anger management programs.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Do you have an anger problem?
Do you have an anger problem?
Are you wondering if you have a problem keeping your anger under control? Are others telling you that you have a problem and you don’t see it? Take a few minutes to answer the questions below to see if you could benefit from taking an anger management class.
I have been experiencing episodes of anger for at least the past 6 months.
Yes________ No ________
I experience anger much more often than those around me.Yes________ No ________
When I experience anger, my anger is:
More intense than most others _________ Less intense than most others _________
The same as most others ___________
When I experience anger, my anger seems to last: Longer than most people ________
Shorter than most people ________ The same as most people ____________
Because of my angry feelings, I have experienced:________________________
Damage to relationships with partners, children, coworkers or friends._______________
Problems functioning at work.________ Inability to handle difficult situations._________ Experiences with the court system.________ Health problems________
Dwelling on problems, worrying, guilt/shame.Angry feelings are keeping me from life goals.
Yes _________ No _________
I think I could be more successful in my life if I could have better control of my feelings.
Yes __________ No _________
There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. Only you can determine if you need help in managing your anger. If you decide that anger plays a bigger role in your life than you would like it to, do something about it. Come to AngerManagementOnline.com and start learning new techniques to manage your anger.
Are you wondering if you have a problem keeping your anger under control? Are others telling you that you have a problem and you don’t see it? Take a few minutes to answer the questions below to see if you could benefit from taking an anger management class.
I have been experiencing episodes of anger for at least the past 6 months.
Yes________ No ________
I experience anger much more often than those around me.Yes________ No ________
When I experience anger, my anger is:
More intense than most others _________ Less intense than most others _________
The same as most others ___________
When I experience anger, my anger seems to last: Longer than most people ________
Shorter than most people ________ The same as most people ____________
Because of my angry feelings, I have experienced:________________________
Damage to relationships with partners, children, coworkers or friends._______________
Problems functioning at work.________ Inability to handle difficult situations._________ Experiences with the court system.________ Health problems________
Dwelling on problems, worrying, guilt/shame.Angry feelings are keeping me from life goals.
Yes _________ No _________
I think I could be more successful in my life if I could have better control of my feelings.
Yes __________ No _________
There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. Only you can determine if you need help in managing your anger. If you decide that anger plays a bigger role in your life than you would like it to, do something about it. Come to AngerManagementOnline.com and start learning new techniques to manage your anger.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Is anger management a waste of time?
Anger Management: Does it work or is it a waste of time?
By Kathy Garber
There has been much controversy in the past regarding anger management and its usefulness in changing old angry behaviors that have been around with most adults for a lifetime. Statistics are now starting to show the positive benefits of anger management with people who are actively involved in a quality program and practicing what they are learning on a daily basis. Anger does have a best part. The best part of your angry behavior is that you are in charge of it and you control its outcome.
You may be wondering what is so great about being in charge of your anger, after all it is causing you problems in your life. The reason I think being in charge of your own anger is a good thing is because you have the power to change it for the better. No one can tell you how to do it, you don’t need to buy something expensive to fix it, you just need determination and the desire to manage your anger. Anger management should be about you working on a specially designed program that is right for your life.
So many times people attend a structured anger management program that tells them exactly what to do and how to manage their anger. The problem with that philosophy of anger management is that one program does not fit all. Everyone’s needs are different and who likes to be told what to do or what is right for their own life?
That in itself can cause you to fail in anger management because you might not be able to comply with the program. Who is more an expert of you and your life than you are? The answers in anger management come from within you. They are there; they just might need some shaking up. If you are ready to learn about your anger, ready to make some changes that are right for your life, ready to practice what you are learning on a daily basis to make your life better; come to AngerManagementOnline.com and start the process.
You don’t have to wait any longer. No more excuses.
By Kathy Garber
There has been much controversy in the past regarding anger management and its usefulness in changing old angry behaviors that have been around with most adults for a lifetime. Statistics are now starting to show the positive benefits of anger management with people who are actively involved in a quality program and practicing what they are learning on a daily basis. Anger does have a best part. The best part of your angry behavior is that you are in charge of it and you control its outcome.
You may be wondering what is so great about being in charge of your anger, after all it is causing you problems in your life. The reason I think being in charge of your own anger is a good thing is because you have the power to change it for the better. No one can tell you how to do it, you don’t need to buy something expensive to fix it, you just need determination and the desire to manage your anger. Anger management should be about you working on a specially designed program that is right for your life.
So many times people attend a structured anger management program that tells them exactly what to do and how to manage their anger. The problem with that philosophy of anger management is that one program does not fit all. Everyone’s needs are different and who likes to be told what to do or what is right for their own life?
That in itself can cause you to fail in anger management because you might not be able to comply with the program. Who is more an expert of you and your life than you are? The answers in anger management come from within you. They are there; they just might need some shaking up. If you are ready to learn about your anger, ready to make some changes that are right for your life, ready to practice what you are learning on a daily basis to make your life better; come to AngerManagementOnline.com and start the process.
You don’t have to wait any longer. No more excuses.
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