Question of the Week

I want a family member to take anger management, but he won't. He says he is not angry and that taking anger management is a waste of time and that maybe it is me who is the problem. Trust me, it isn't me! What can I do?

Good question and a very tough question. If someone isn't willing to make changes in their life, trying to force change only makes you more frustrated. Working with someone who is unwilling to change is hard on families and relationships.

You might have already tried this, but schedule a time when you can both sit down. Talk from your heart. Let him know that his behavior is hurting you and your relationship and that is something you can no longer tolerate. Try not to let the conversation get heated. Stay on topic and tell him how you are affected and how much you want things to change. Play a very supportive role in helping him to understand that you will be with him through the change and that you can look at your own behavior too. Make changes together. Learning together means growing together.

For some men, who are in constant denial of their anger, we do an anger evaluation on them. You can read about it at angerevaluation.com. It is an anger evaluation you can take in your home and receive a detailed report. Sometimes people need to see those results in writing to understand the impact of their behavior. Sometimes the anger evaluation determines that better communication could solve the problem. The anger evaluation can show you the type of behavior used when angry and we can work on that particular behavior. There many different angles to work on with anger and trust me, no one wants to feel angry all of the time. The good news is no one has to feel angry and there is hope for change.

For some people who are in denial about their anger, an online anger management program is a good place to start. They remain in control and study anger management at their own pace and make changes on their own terms.

The best thing you can do tell your family member how his behavior is affecting you. Stop nagging for change. Change never happens through nagging. Be clear. Be assertive and stop nagging. For more information on this topic or help with anger management come to angermanagementonline.com and if your family member isn't willing to change, let's work with you to change so that you are living your best life.

Anger Evaluation for Children

I feel as though my teen has an anger issue, but it seems like nothing helps. I have tried working with him and he still says there is nothing wrong and he is not angry. His actions speak louder (sometimes) than words. How can I know if he has a problem with anger and what can I do about it?

Teens years are tough if you can remember back. It is an incredible time of growth and maturing, teen peer pressure and now even more pressure to keep up with technology.

A place to start would be an anger evaluation. I provide an anger evaluation for children at angerevaluation.com. This is an easy evaluation that can be taken in home. It takes about 10-15 minutes to complete. You can send it back to me and I will interpret the scores and send back a written report. It is the first step to understanding anger and can jump start the treatment plan for your teen. When we know what causes anger or why someone is angry we can cut to the chase and work on those issues.

If you are interested in an anger evaluation for you teen, please visit angerevaluation.com and read through the material. Sign up and the anger evaluation will be sent out immediately. Once I receive the completed anger evaluation materials back and make the report I can make suggestions on how to start the process of helping your teen manage their anger. You might also want to consider an online anger management class. At angermanagementonline.com we have an anger management class for teens. Teens are very successful with online learning because they love being on the computer and it is really how they learn best. They enjoy learning at their own pace and having some say in their own treatment plan and learning goals.

If you have a teen who could benefit from either an anger evaluation or anger management class, please visit us at angermanagementonline.com or angerevaluation.com and get the process started.

Can anger management help couples?

The answer is yes.

Anger management is more than simple "anger management." At angermanagementonline.com we go into all aspects of anger including the concept that anger is a secondary emotion. Something is happening first to cause discomfort and then comes the behavior which is often acted out in anger.

Anger can be very distructive to relationships. It breaks down communication. It breaks down intimacy. It makes the relationship feel unsafe.

Anger can be managed and relationships can improve when one or both partners understand the root of anger.

Angermanagementonline.com is an easy online anger management class that both of you can take on your own time and schedule.

Start learning anger management today. Start improving your relationship today!

Anger management support group online

Looking for a place to go to express your anger? Looking for like minded people to talk to online about positive solutions of anger management?

Come to angermanagementonline.com and click on Join Our Anger Management Support Group. We want conversation regarding anger and now to improve lives by living in positive solutions. If we have a big enough interest we might even start some live discussion groups.

Come, join, invite your friends and family. Let's make it a safe place to discuss anger.

angermanagementonline.com

The Holidays Are Coming!!

Yes, the Holidays are here and for many people it can be a very difficult time of year. The question I most often get this time of year is: How can I be around family and hold in my anger or feelings?

That's a tough one because for many people holidays bring up old wounds or bad past experiences with family members. I have had people tell me that they just do not want to go to their family's home for Christmas, but they feel guilty and go anyway. Not wanting to go some place and then going just because "you have to" is going to elevate your anger for sure.

A couple of things to consider when around family members:

1. Stay away from alcohol. Alcohol brings out angry feelings and it gives you the courage to say what is really on your mind. Getting something off of your chest that has been lingering for a very long time in theory sounds good, but not with alcohol as the stimulus. Anger management classes flourish during the holiday season because people get drunk, air out their feelings or even worse punch someone who "had it coming" for a very long time and it lands them in jail, court and anger management. If you don't have the courage to say it to them sober, don't say it to them at all.

2. If going to your family's home brings about horrible feelings or past memories that you can't deal with... don't go. If something is that bad don't set yourself up for failure by going somewhere to please someone else and feel miserable the whole time. Start your own tradition. Go to a friends house. Stay home with friends and family. If you have your own kids or partner start something new and fun with them. The Holidays are for everyone and feeling pressure to be somewhere that brings out the worst in you isn't fair to you or your family. Start fresh.

3. The pressure is going to be put on your for not going along with the family tradition. That's okay. You will be okay if someone disapproves of your choice. Stay true to your life.

4. With the economy most people are not able to spend as much as they would like and it brings up bad feelings and anger. Change your thinking. Think of the Holidays as a time to give thanks for what you do have. It isn't about what you don't have. We live in the greatest country in the world. We have freedom of choice. When you go into a store there are aisles and aisles of choice. We can go any where we want to go. We are free. That is a huge gift. Thanks to our Military we are free and safe. Don't worry about what you can't do. Give thanks for what you can do.

Remember this Holiday season to do what pleases you. Stay safe, sober and thankful for all of your blessings.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

If you would like more help or tips in anger management come to angermanagementonline.com and learn how to get through the tough times with new anger management skills.

I can't seem to control my anger or emotions. Should I be able to control my feelings?

The answer is yes. The problem may be that you are not catching your emotions soon enough. You may be noticing your anger only when you are more escalated so it feels like your emotions are out of control. Or, you may not know exacly what you are feeling or experiencing. It is common for people to say they don't know what they are feeling.

The best way to understand your emotions is to journal. Write down your feelings on a daily basis and try to track your emotions. You have to pay attention to yourself. In this busy world we are all on the fast track, but that also means we are not paying attention to our mental health.

1. Slow down. Try to find some time in the day for yourself to think and refresh.
2. Journal about your emotions. Try to understand what you are feeling. A lot of times it won't be anger, but another emotion that quickly turns to anger.
3. Add structure into your life. Get up at the same time. Go to bed at the same time. Eat healthy meals.

If you would like to know more about anger and how it is affecting your life come to angermanagementonline.com and join one of our many anger management programs.

There are so many anger management programs out there. How do I choose?

Good question. There are many anger management programs out there and going through all of them can be very time consuming. Some of the important things to look for is if the person is licensed. Courts look more favorably on a program if the person running the program is licensed. Can you contact the owner and speak to him/her? How long has the program been in business? Are the instructors certified in anger management facilitation? Do they associate themselves with professional organizations in their field? Do they have an email address to ask questions? Does the anger management program provide an About Us on the site? Do you get to know who is on the other side of the screen teaching you?

Does paying more for the class mean you are getting more quality? No. There are many quality programs out there such as AngerManagementOnline.com who strive to bring a quality program at a fraction of the cost. Angermanagementonline.com has been online since 2002 at the same price point in an effort to make affordable anger management available to everyone. If you are looking for an anger management program take your time and go through the key points above. Email and call if you have questions. Get all of your questions answered so that you feel comfortable in learning anger management.